I’m sorry.
I’m deeply sorry.
To all lives lost unnecessarily. For all that might have been in vain.
I’m sorry that your deaths carried more meaning than your lives.
I’m sorry we’re not better. I’m sorry all of it is our fault.
For all your years yet to live. Your dreams yet to accomplish. Your vision yet to be seen. The planned walk you will never thread.
May you be graced with peace, love, and hope. I’m sorry you ended up being the collateral damage we can all be.
I’m sorry this is all you got, for you all deserved much more.
I’m sorry I’m not enough. I wish I could fix everything that is wrong in this world. I wish I could be kinder. More patient. More tolerant. For not all lost souls are evil, and all they need is love, inspiration, courage, and hope.
I’m sorry for all the times I stood watching when I was younger. I was lost too. I was afraid.
I’m sorry for all the times I hurt you. For all the days I forgot to look at the stars. For the moments I forgot to be thankful. The times I forgot to feel you. Your wind, your warmth, your love.
I’m sorry I was blind for so many times. I’m sorry we are all so flawed. That you are the stage for our messy play.
I’m sorry for everything. All of this all.
There’s so much evil that I don’t know how you can bear. I feel you. I feel it.
You are timeless, beautiful, worthy, and dignified.
May you know and remember how much I love you, like you cared to remind me so many times. We all do, we just don’t know how to.
All of your colors, and strength, and stillness. All of your creatures.
How can this be true? If we do so much harm?
I can’t comprehend the atrocities we do to you. I don’t understand them.
It aches knowing you’re in pain. All this evil takes over me and I lose my focus.
I feel so impotent. I only wish I had the arms to embrace you fully, to protect all things that live, to cherish and to love them all. And I try. I believe it’s beyond mass and composition. And I’m trying to learn, but I fear it’s too late.
All the suffering I could have saved you from. I’d bring out all the light in me to shield you from all harm. I’d heal all these corrupted hearts and show them love. Show them you. Show them who they truly are.
So I’m sorry.
I’m sorry not even my sorries can take your sorrow away.
Stay with me, darling.
We’ll get through this.
We’ll make miracles out of these people.
Someday, I’ll stop talking to those not listening. One day my voice will be heard, so as yours speaks through so many of us.
I’m sorry I took so long to understand.
There’s so much yet we have to learn.
…
23rd November 2020
